Survey: 2 in 5 Americans in a relationship have kept a financial secret from their partner
Would you be upset if you found out your partner had a credit card you didn’t know about? On the flip side, have you ever fudged the numbers with your spouse about a recent shopping spree? Romantic relationships can come with mixed feelings about money. That’s why we asked more than 2,000 people for their takes.
New Bankrate survey data reveals that 2 in 5 U.S. adults (40 percent) who are in committed relationships — which we define as married, in a civil partnership or living with a romantic partner in this survey — have committed financial infidelity against their current partner. *Percentages are rounded throughout.
Ironically, nearly half of those Americans (45 percent) believe that keeping financial secrets is as bad as physical infidelity.
Learn what secrets they’re keeping and how to avoid money road bumps in your own relationship.
Money secrets can undermine a relationship. It's hard enough to meet your financial goals when you're pulling in the same direction. It's almost impossible if you're pulling in opposite directions.— Ted Rossman, Bankrate Senior Industry Analyst
- Forty percent of Americans in a committed relationship have kept a financial secret. That includes Americans who are keeping or have kept a secret expense, debt, credit card and/or checking or savings account from their current partner.
- Overspending is the most common financial secret. Thirty-three percent have spent or are spending more money than their spouse or partner would be okay with.
- The majority of American couples keep at least some of their money separate. Thirty-four percent have both separate and joint accounts, 27 percent keep totally separate accounts and 38 percent keep only joint accounts.
- Forty-five percent of Americans in committed relationships say financial secrets are as bad as physical infidelity. That includes those who say financial infidelity is as bad as physically cheating (38 percent), and those who say it’s worse (7 percent).
More than half of Americans are financially involved with a partner
To start, let’s look at the relationship statuses of those 2,000+ Americans we surveyed. Here’s a snapshot of Americans’ romantic lives:
- Married: 44 percent
- Single: 30 percent
- Divorced: 8 percent
- Living with a partner, but neither married nor in a civil partnership: 5 percent
- Widowed: 5 percent
- In a relationship, but not living together: 4 percent
- Civil partnership: 2 percent
- Separated but still legally married or in a civil partnership: 1 percent
- Prefer not to say: 2 percent
- Other: <1 percent
In total, a little over half of Americans (51 percent) are in committed relationships. That means they’re also financially involved with their partner in some capacity.
Spending too much money is the most common financial secret
After accounting for overlap — some people have kept or are keeping more than one secret — a total of 40 percent of those in committed relationships have perpetrated financial infidelity against their current spouse or partner. That includes 31 percent who’ve kept a secret in the past and 21 percent who are keeping a secret now.
And the top thing that’s got people tight-lipped around their partner? Overspending. Specifically:
- One in 3 Americans (33 percent) in committed relationships say they have spent (19 percent) or are spending (13 percent) more money than their spouse or partner would be okay with.
- Twenty-three percent have kept (13 percent) or are keeping (10 percent) secret debt.
- Seventeen percent have kept (10 percent) or are keeping (8 percent) a secret credit card.
- Fifteen percent have kept (7 percent) or are keeping (8 percent) a secret savings account.
- Thirteen percent have kept (7 percent) or are keeping (7 percent) a secret checking account.
Most couples keep at least some money separate from their partners
We also asked Americans in committed relationships about how they manage their money in a relationship. The results were a mix of using separate and joint accounts.
Being open with your partner about your finances doesn’t necessarily mean you need to combine all of your money. ‘Yours, mine and ours’ is an increasingly popular strategy.
— Ted Rossman Bankrate Senior Industry Analyst
More than 3 in 5 Americans (62 percent) in committed relationships keep at least some of their money separate from one another. That includes 27 percent who keep it completely separate and 34 percent who have a combination of separate and joint accounts.
Fewer than 2 in 5 (38 percent) exclusively use joint accounts.
“My husband and I use the ‘yours, mine and ours’ method and have for 16 years,” says Brooklyn Lowery, Bankrate senior editor. She and her husband each get $100 a month in their personal accounts to spend however they want, which they call their “mad money.”
It’s worth noting that, sometimes, separate accounts can be a smart money move. Setting aside some of your own money can help ensure financial independence, even in a committed relationship. That’s especially true among women, whose finances can still lag behind men’s.
But there’s a difference between having separate accounts and secret accounts.
“Even though these are ‘personal’ accounts, they are fully accessible to both of us, so there’s actually no hiding anything there,” Lowery explains.
Many Americans believe financial secrets are as bad as physical infidelity
While most people would agree that physical infidelity — or cheating — is a relationship blunder, nearly half of Americans who are married, in a civil partnership or living with a partner (45 percent) believe financial infidelity is at least as bad.
That includes 38 percent who say keeping a financial secret is equally as bad as physical infidelity and 7 percent who say it’s worse.
Another 1 in 3 of those Americans (33 percent) say keeping financial secrets is not as bad as physical infidelity.
Gen Zers most likely to keep financial secrets, separate accounts
The likelihood of keeping a financial secret decreases with age. Two in 3 (67 percent) Gen Zers (ages 18-28) in committed relationships have carried out financial infidelity.
That’s compared to more than 1 in 2 (54 percent) millennials (ages 29-44) and around 1 in 3 Gen Xers (ages 45-60) (33 percent) and baby boomers (ages 61-79) (30 percent).
On the other hand, Gen Zers are also the most likely to say these financial secrets are worse than physical infidelity. Sixty-three percent of Gen Zers in committed relationships believe financial infidelity is at least as bad as physical cheating.
Fifty-one percent of millennials, 45 percent of Gen Xers and 36 percent of boomers said the same.
Nearly 9 in 10 Gen Z couples have separate accounts
Among Gen Zers who are married, in a civil partnership or living with a partner, nearly 9 in 10 (88 percent) keep at least some of their money separate from their partner. Forty-two percent have a combination of separate and joint accounts, and 46 percent only have separate accounts.
That’s significantly more than millennial couples (70 percent), Gen X couples (59 percent) and boomer couples (52 percent).
“Young adults, in particular, seem to enjoy having some money they can call theirs and theirs alone,” says Ted Rossman, Bankrate senior industry analyst. “As long as you agree upon the parameters, maintaining separate accounts doesn’t constitute financial infidelity.”
3 ways to avoid financial faux pas in your relationship
No matter your age or marital status, it’s possible to manage finances with your partner without keeping secrets. Money talks — so here are three ways to get the conversation going.
- Create a budget together. The basics of making a budget — like adding up your income, subtracting fixed expenses and deciding how much to spend on fun purchases — can help you and your partner get on the same page. It might take several tries to set a budget you agree on. But it can hold you both accountable and serve as a roadmap toward reaching goals together. “Create a budget that helps you work towards your objectives,” Rossman says. “It’s all about practicing open communication, setting the right priorities and course-correcting as needed along the way.”
- Decide how to set up your accounts. There’s no right or wrong way to divvy out your money as a couple, whether you have separate or joint accounts. But many couples find the “yours, mine and ours” method helpful. That’s when you have a joint account for managing shared costs, as well as individual accounts to spend as you please. You might even consider choosing a credit card as a couple.
- Schedule money dates. A budget isn’t something you set and then forget about it. Sticking to your financial goals as a couple means checking on your income and expenses regularly. And if one of you makes a mistake, like spending too much in a certain category, a money date is a good time to come clean and communicate with honesty and kindness. Rossman advises: “Set up recurring money dates with your spouse to get on the same page regarding upcoming expenses and longer-term goals.”
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