When should you talk about money with your significant other?

If you’re hoping to get on the same page with your partner about money this year, you likely have some work to do. Striking up conversations about your financial goals and dreams can be an excellent place to start, but you’ll also want to come to an agreement when it comes to everyday money decisions like who pays for groceries and how much of your income to save.

Unfortunately, a recent study from Fidelity shows that reaching financial nirvana with a partner may be more difficult than we think. For example, the 2024 Couples and Money Study showed that nearly nine in 10 partners claim to communicate well, yet more than one in four said they resented being left out of financial decisions. Furthermore, nearly one in four couples say money is their biggest challenge, and 45 percent of partners say they argue about finances occasionally, if not more.

If you want to be in tune with your partner financially, talking about money is not only smart but essential. The following guide can help you talk with your partner about finances so you can reach your goals together without any hard feelings.

Should you tell your partner how much money you have?

At the beginning of a relationship, the decision to disclose your financial situation or net worth with a partner is up to you and might not be a boundary you want to cross right away. Once the relationship gets serious, however, it may be time to update your partner on your situation and how it could impact them — for better or for worse.

What should you tell your partner, exactly? While the details to share are entirely up to you, topics to broach with a partner can include your income, assets and liabilities. If you believe you might marry your partner, want to start a family or both, you should also discuss your values when it comes to partners working vs. staying home with children, as well as thoughts on saving and investing for the future.

Do most couples reveal everything? That depends on who you ask. Forty percent of adults in committed relationships (e.g. married, in a civil partnership or living with a romantic partner in this survey) admitted committing financial infidelity against their partner, according to Bankrate’s 2024 Financial Infidelity Survey. In this case, financial infidelity can include things like having a secret expense or keeping a bank account their partner doesn’t know about.

Tips for talking about money with your significant other

Secrets in a marriage are rarely a good sign, and that’s just as true when it comes to finance as it is with anything else. The following tips can help you grow with your partner in a financial sense, increase transparency about financial matters and get on the same page.

1. Start financial conversations early

It may seem awkward to bring up finances if you’re new to a relationship, but early discussions about money don’t have to be heavy.

If you’ve only been dating someone for a month then it’s probably not the time to ask about their deepest financial secrets, but you can start small.

Discuss a budget for dates with your partner, or if it’s financially feasible for you to take that weekend vacation right now. Early talks about money take away some of the intensity and nerves that could come from more serious talks down the road.

For couples whose finances are more intertwined, talking about money continuously as your relationship progresses and your financial situations change is also important. It may serve you to make new financial decisions as a team, such as opening a joint savings account or making your partner an authorized user on your credit card.

2. Discuss your financial values

Rather than just discussing the numbers, talk to your partner about what’s truly important to you when it comes to spending money. Maybe you prioritize saving money for travel or retirement over shopping — or perhaps you want to start a business.

Often, conflict about spending money comes from a disagreement between partners about what they should prioritize. Try having candid conversations about how you want to spend your money rather than just how much your significant other is spending.

3. Don’t wait until you’re angry

Talks about money are often pushed aside until a couple reaches a boiling point. This can happen when one partner spends money without letting the other know, or the stress of bills keep piling up.

When it comes to discussing finances, be proactive. Waiting until you’re mad to talk about how you are spending money can do more harm than good. Talking about finances is often more effective if you approach it with a level head and clear values around spending.

4. Lean into your partner’s financial strengths

If money is a point of contention in your relationship, you may only focus on the faults you see in your partner’s spending habits.

Sure, you may think they spend a little too much on clothes or they waste money on the newest gadget, but what about their good spending habits? Are they the one who always remembers to pay the utility bills? Or keeps a balanced budget?

In those cases, it could make sense to have one person take care of day-to-day financial matters while the other focuses on bigger picture financial goals like retirement. The Fidelity study shows that many relationships actually do work this way. For example, 29 percent of men and 21 percent of women said they were the one who makes day-to-day financial decisions in the relationship, whereas 31 percent of men and 16 percent of women said they were the primary decision makers when it came to investing and retirement planning.

Whatever the case may be, everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. If you want to discuss your partner’s spending, then consider what strengths they bring to your financial situation as well as your concerns. Discussing finances from a neutral position where you acknowledge both good and bad habits can help avoid conflict.

5. Be honest

Last — but certainly not least — is honesty.

Being truthful with your partner about your finances and spending habits is vital to a healthy relationship. Financial infidelity, where one partner spends money or has credit card debt without telling the other, is a source of conflict for many couples and is a breach of trust in a relationship.

If you follow no other steps, being honest is the most important thing you can do to establish a healthy dialogue about finances in a relationship.

The bottom line

Arguing with your significant other about finances is not uncommon. However, opening up the conversation about money with your other half is important and can lead to clarity, trust and a healthier relationship.

Learn how to start the “money talk” with your partner before it becomes a serious issue in your life. And, you never know — talking with your partner about money may bring you both closer if you learn to dream big and work together toward the same goals.